If your desire comes and goes, that's normal. For many people it rises around the middle of the cycle, near ovulation, and fades before a period. Hormones aren't the only thing at play. Sleep, stress and what's going on in your relationship matter too. There's no "right" amount of desire, and it's only worth looking into if the changes bother you.
Can an orgasm ease cramps?
It can, and it's worth a try if you feel like it. During orgasm your body releases oxytocin and dopamine, which help you relax, and some people find their cramps ease afterwards. You don't need a partner for this: masturbation works too.
Is it OK to have sex on your period?
Yes, if you both want to. A dark towel takes care of the practical side, and if you feel shy, you can start in the shower. Use protection as on any other day. You can still get pregnant or catch an STI (sexually transmitted infection) during a period.
Why does desire only show up once things start?
Desire can be spontaneous, arriving on its own, or responsive, switching on once things have started. Gynaecologists say it can be normal not to feel desire until sex has begun. Either way, only start if you're up for it, and you can stop at any moment.
What if you're dry?
Lube reduces friction, and using it is completely ordinary: dryness doesn't mean something is wrong with you or your desire. It can come from hormonal contraception, some medicines or not being aroused enough yet. In that last case, it helps to slow down. With latex condoms, use a water-based or silicone-based lube, never an oil-based one.
Common questions
Is it normal not to want sex on your period?
Completely, just as it's normal to want it. Your period doesn't mean you owe anyone anything. It's your call.
Can you get pregnant during your period?
It's unlikely, but possible. Sperm usually live in the body for up to 5 days, sometimes up to 7. If you ovulate early, for example with a short cycle, that's enough time.
Can the pill lower your sex drive?
Some people notice less desire on hormonal contraception. If you see a drop after starting a method, tell your doctor: you can switch.
In short
- Cramps? Try an orgasm or a wrapped hot-water bottle
- Use protection on your period too
- With condoms, pick a water-based or silicone-based lube
Source: ACOG: Your sexual health
Educational content; it does not replace professional medical advice.